Difficult Childhood? Here’s Why You Need to Question Everything You Believe
If you had a rough childhood, this is for you! I was talking to a 24-year-old woman yesterday during a coaching consult, and wow—she came in hot AF with stress, panic, and pressure. She was like, “I’m so far behind in life!! I should be further along in my career, my education, everything! And the harder I try, the further behind I get!” You could literally hear the anxiety in her voice.
And I’ll be honest—at first, my brain was like, “24?! Uh, she’s SO young!” But what I think doesn’t matter. I could have spent 45 minutes convincing her that it wasn’t true, but what I think doesn’t matter in her world, what she thinks is what matters. It’s her perspective, her life, her head that’s screaming, “You’re behind, you’re failing.” And it felt so real to her, like headline news, she believed it so fully that she could probably pass a lie detector test. That’s how tricky our minds can be.
So here’s what I told her, and here’s what I want you to hear if you grew up in a chaotic or difficult home: The beliefs you developed to survive as a kid? They protected you then (when you had no control over your environment), but they’re probably screwing you over now because you have control now. And a car. And a checking account.
Coping Mechanisms That Worked Then Aren’t Helping Now
This client? When things got crazy at home, her go-to coping mechanism was to isolate herself in her room. She retreated because that’s where she felt safe. And you know what? It worked. It kept her sane as a kid. But now? That same instinct to isolate is making her feel “behind” because she’s constantly comparing herself to some imaginary perfect version of her life she thinks she should have.
She’s beating herself up for how she handles things and reacting as if her life is a complete failure. But, here’s the thing: she’s in college, she’s working, and she’s self-aware enough to reach out to a life coach for help. That is huge. She’s showing up for herself. She’s a freaking superhero just for being here.
But she didn’t see it that way—she believed she was failing. And that’s the problem with these beliefs we carry around. They feel true because they’re old survival mechanisms, but they don’t serve us anymore.
The Trap of Believing “I’m Behind” (or whatever BS your brain offers you)
Here’s what happens when you cling to those old beliefs: you create energy that matches them. If you believe, “I’m behind. I’m not good enough. My needs don’t matter,” you’re going to attract people and situations that prove you right.
Like, if you believe your needs don’t matter, guess what? You’re going to meet people who don’t have the capacity to meet your needs—and then when they treat you like crap, your brain’s going to go, “See? This always happens. This is just who I am.” But it’s not true.
If you didn’t believe that nonsense, you’d walk away from people like that. You wouldn’t waste a second wondering, “Is this love?” You’d be like, “Ew, no thanks.”
How to Question the Bullsh*t in Your Head
I want you to question everything you believe about yourself and your world. Seriously, grab a notebook and write down every belief you have. Then interrogate that list like you’re grilling a cheating partner.
Ask yourself:
Does this belief feel good?
Does it create the result I want in my life?
If the answer’s no, throw it out. Just because something was true in your childhood doesn’t mean it’s true now.
For example, if you believe, “I’m behind in life,” challenge that like crazy.
You’re 24. Oprah didn’t even get started until her 30s.
You’re in college. That’s a big deal!
You’re working. You’re showing up.
Considering what you’ve been through, you’re miles ahead of where most people would be.
Your Needs Matter. Act Like It.
At the end of the day, you’ve got to stop beating yourself up for how you survived. That scrappy, little version of you? She got you through some serious sh*t. She deserves some love, not constant criticism.
And as an adult, it’s time to show up for yourself like your needs matter—because they do. When you believe that, you’re not going to stick around for anyone or anything that makes you feel like they don’t.
And if someone does dismiss your needs? Be confused, not attracted. Lol Seriously, don’t look at someone who disregards you and think, “Omg, is this love? Should I marry them?” NO. You should keep it moving. This is just someone that isn’t willing or able to meet your needs, the rest is pointless drama. YOU are the advocate for your wellbeing, the only way a relationship can function when your needs aren’t met is if YOU agree that your needs don’t matter.
Question Everything. Rewrite Your Story.
If you grew up in chaos, those old beliefs probably protected you. But now? They’re just holding you back. Let them go. Rewrite your story. Show up for yourself like your needs are the most important thing in the world—because they are.
And hey, if you’ve got a belief that feels impossible to shake, drop me an email HERE or book a free consult HERE and we can unpack it in a way that you won’t be able to unsee! Let’s unpack it together. You’ve got this. ❤️
About the author
Hey, I’m Machele—a straight-talking, coffee-loving coach who’s all about helping women step into their power and design lives they love. After years of people-pleasing and chasing external validation, I figured out how to prioritize my own needs, and I’m here to help you do the same. I launched my full-time coaching practice in 2019 and I’ve helped boatloads of women clean up the residual bullshit from their childhood and guided them to becoming versions of themselves that blow their damn minds. Whether it’s through my New Bitch Energy® membership or one-on-one coaching, I create safe, judgment-free spaces where you can clean up all the things that are keeping you stuck in the same cycle while having a ton of fun! Let’s make your next chapter the best one yet.